If you die in college, do you die in real life?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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