Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
