My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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