You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
