"it" just moved
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize