oh god the rape fog is back!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
