So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
