why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...