can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.