I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back