Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.