I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child