i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.