I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
