I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
