Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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