I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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