Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
