so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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