I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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