FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
