I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
