One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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