I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
