it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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