I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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