So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
