so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
