jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize