shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
