bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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