Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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