It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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