making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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