Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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