guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
