allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
