I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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