The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
