just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
