When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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