he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
