When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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