I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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