guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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