Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
