i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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