I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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