If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
