I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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