Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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