Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
