Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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