i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A bitchslap is in order.
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