I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
