Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize