dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
