next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
