Your mouth is God's brothel.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
