i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
