You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize