i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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