i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
