I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
