eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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