Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
