I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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